The pursuit of happiness is self-destructive

Self-destructive people: 10 distinctive traits

Last update: 07 February, 2018

Harming or hurting themselves seems to be a behavior that lacks logic - it is probably typical of madness. Yet it is based on a negative impulse that we all carry more or less strongly within us and that comes to light in self-destructive people.

Sigmund Freud found out that we all have an impulse for life, for something constructive, which he calls the “life instinct”. But we also have the opposite, a counterweight that prefers death and destruction and is called the “death instinct”.

"When you are caught up in destruction, you must open a door to creation."

Anais Nin

This is one of the reasons why wars have taken place in all ages and cultures. It is also the reason many people develop self-destructive behavior. However, only in a few cases are such behaviors firmly anchored and become permanent personality traits.

Usually they occur when repressed feelings come to the surface. These aggressive impulses are directed at someone else, but for some reason we are unable to channel our emotions. Sometimes because they are addressed to a loved one or because we are just afraid of giving them a voice. So we suppress them, but that can't go well for long: The aggression is ultimately directed against ourselves. We learn to see ourselves as our worst enemy to look at and develop a self-destructive personality.

In the following we describe the ten characteristics that you can use Recognize self-destructive people can:

1. Negative ideas in self-destructive people

To the self-destructive ideas include all those thoughts that are designed to devalue a person, detract from their accomplishments, or limit their growth. Such thoughts arise almost automatically in the mind of a self-destructive person.

Then a favorable context emerges for the self-fulfilling prophecy: "You won't make it, you won't be able to do it, you just can't ..." The power of thoughts is so great that they ultimately become a reality.

There is also another approach in which someone always emphasizes what was missing, what was still needed, what was not perfect or too much. All of these are abundant sources of self-destruction.

2. Passive behavior and forced incompetence

Passive behavior means not going against a situation or condition that is causing us pain. It is recognized that these represent something negative and that they harm us if no measures are taken to contain their effects - but still the person concerned does not take action. This often happens in the face of abuse and aggression.

Forced incompetence is the tendency to highlight one's own deficits and mistakes. Before attempting anything at all, all personal restrictions must first be removed. No effort will be made to solve a given problem if there is no 100% guarantee of success. This turns one's own shortcomings into justifications for not acting.

3. Eating disorders

Inadequate nutrition is a form of self harm. Affected people are not providing their body with the nutrients it needs to stay healthy. The same applies to the opposite case: Overeating leads to various health problems, both short and long term. Some people experience an insatiable appetite that cannot be turned into a feeling of satiety, only sadness and guilt ... and a desire to eat more.

The way we eat says a lot about what we think and how we feel.

4. Pain others and feel sorry for yourself

Self-destructive people often develop hostile or harmful attitudes towards other people. They create unnecessary conflict, are inconsiderate, rude, jealous, spread gossip, etc. They generally see others as objects of confrontation. They cause them frustration because their relationships are always based on comparison.

Usually, after such conflicts, those affected get into long episodes of self-pity. They're good at handing out, but when someone struggles they quickly become victims. They insult, but when they are insulted they feel sorry for themselves. They do not admit that the fruit of their harvest is the fruit of what they themselves have sown.

5. Self harm and substance abuse

Self-harm is sometimes obvious, but very often it is also well hidden. Some people intentionally injure themselves: You cut your hair or pull your hair, get a painful tattoo or piercing on a very sensitive part of the body. They put themselves in risky situations, which often lead to accidents.

It is also considered self-harm when abusing substances that harm the body. The most obvious case is drug use, including excessive consumption of alcohol. Dependencies are highly self-destructive and in extreme cases can even lead to death.

6. Social suicide

Social suicide is committed when emotional ties with other people are severed. In general, this is a gradual process: first there is a reluctance to spend time with others, and then gradually a progressive isolation sets in.

Self-destructive people not only isolate themselves, but develop a range of behaviors that irritate others. Sometimes they are overly demanding or disdainful of others. They only see the negative in their people. You feel that their behavior deserves your own rejection.

7. Hiding emotions and turning away from help

Self-destructive people find it very difficult to be honest with themselves. They do not recognize their own feelings and emotions, but unconsciously try to hide them. They streamline everything and refuse to admit they have a problem.

It is therefore very difficult to help such people. If someone suggests they see a psychologist, they react with aggression or contempt. They are generally irritable when they receive advice or when someone thinks they know what would be better for them. These people do not want them to be okay or for circumstances and other people to change so that they can continue to stay in their situation.

8. Physical and mental neglect

Self-destructive people forget to take care of their own bodies. They have an extremely negative opinion about their body and do not feel any pleasure, not even in a sexual sense. They invest very little in themselves. They do not do sports and they do not care about their health or their appearance. Poor personal hygiene is a manifestation of the low esteem you have for yourself.

They also make no effort to solve their mental problems. If you suffer from insomnia, accept it without taking any countermeasures. If you feel emotionally uncomfortable, decide to bully yourself, but don't think about looking for a way that would allow you to resolve this conflict.

9. Unnecessary self-sacrifice

Life can ask for sacrifice. However, these only make sense if they are geared towards a higher good. For example, when they are a necessary step to achieve greater wellbeing. However, when they become a constant condition, they correspond to self-destructive behavior.

Some people assume that self-sacrifice is a test of good nature, good character, or altruism. But in the background they commit an act of self-sabotage. What this behavior hides is a renunciation of desires, dreams and achievements. A painful situation is only maintained to reduce the chances of health.

10. Relationship sabotage

Basically, self-destructive people don't feel kind enough. The love for oneself is very little. Therefore, in a sense, they don't tolerate a relationship where everything is going well. Oddly enough, when they feel loved or valued, they do everything in their power to end a relationship. You feel more comfortable in the role of the victim. They prefer to lose their luck in order to complain about it.

In addition, such people are very capricious and demanding. They are trying to convince the other person that there is no point in maintaining a relationship with them, or that the affection they are experiencing has no foundation. Sabotaging successful relationships is one way of reassuring yourself that you can stay in the self-destructive position.

This type of behavior speaks of unprocessed experiences and difficulties in creating the self-image. Self-destructive people are above all victims of themselves. They are trapped in this state and cannot defend themselves against it.

Of course, people with these traits struggle to build healthy self-esteem. But beyond that, they have major self-awareness problems. It's like they're trapped in a mirror reflecting them in a distorted way.

To be more constructive of yourself, you need to challenge an authority figure. What is behind this position is the unconscious fear of becoming happy. This trait is formed in traumatic situations and requires professional treatment.

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