Have you seen someone naked
Sentences that men said to my face when they saw me naked
With the exception of the first few weeks, nudity and shame have been as closely related as snakes and plane trees from the beginning of time. Like bassists and ears, milk and cheese or drunkards and uncles.
Like all of these phenomena, nudity can provoke a variety of responses, from feelings of euphoria to humiliation. You don't have to tell me twice about how embarrassed and vulnerable nakedness can make a person. Here are four verbal responses I experienced when different guys saw me undressed for the first time. Fear not, this is not the place for a detailed account of my sexual past. This is reserved for my gynecologist (Hey Greg!) Or his successor is due (Greg will be leaving the practice soon). So, make yourself comfortable and relax. I am sorry if my hands are cold.
The author in a pool
"Do you know how hot you would look if you exercised every day for the next three months?"
You can't have it all, and if this guy had his way, I would never go near a cake again (unless I stood dressed next to a cake with a stripper hidden in it). The statement is banal. Who wouldn't look hotter if he or she exercised every day for three months? But in case of doubt for the accused. He probably just wanted to help me see my ... uh ... untapped potential. There are a few more questions that pop into my mind: Why three months? Do you want me to do the "firmer thighs in 30 days" program three times in a row? Can I quit exercising after three months? And how can you damn well dare to say that to someone's face? I can only guess that at that moment he was about to say, "You don't look bad - the bones are there, just under a spongy layer of goat cheese and herbs - but I prefer people who look like Susan Fucking Powter naked. " What I learned from it: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't fucking say it to someone who just showed you their Geena Davis. The only thing that helps here is gratitude. A simple "That's nice, thank you" makes the moment acceptable and easy to forget (God willing!). Otherwise, your reaction will be burned into his mind forever, and you can write a weird essay about it write. Who wants that?
"What are you doing there? I need a shot. "
What kind of shot are we talking about here? A syringe against rabies, tetanus, diphtheria, polio? As far as I know, there is still no vaccine against the sight of a naked body, especially not against mine (Hope-atitis C?) But joking aside, sometimes the truth pokes your teeth out before it sets you free. That is a risk we have to take if we are to find ourselves. Call it what you want: a surprise gone wrong, the fast track to depression, a gruesome performance. What I learned from it: You can't assume that anyone will ever want to see you naked. At most if he has poisoned his liver beforehand.
"You have changed a lot since the last time." The context of this quote is lovely. My first visit to the gynecologist? Correct. The gynecologist was my mother's obstetrician? Correct. And it was a man ?? Check and mate. The last time we met, I had no teeth and was umbilically tied to my mother. It's hard to believe, but I've actually changed quite a bit since then. Dr. Greg did his breast exam and found no lumps. While the office assistant giggled at this incredibly funny phrase, I stared at the plaster ceiling and looked for an appropriate answer. I chose a nonchalant "Yes, Bob!" What I have learned: Sometimes your job includes having a conversation with the person whose body you are currently testing for cancer. Maybe you talk without thinking first so as not to be embarrassed in the situation. Sometimes you just have to take things as they come. In that case, I'll let it go. "You look like a fucking porn star!" Where do we start? First of all, this quote has not been censored (that goes for everyone else too, by the way). Next, we'd like to appreciate the enthusiasm that shines through in this comment. Finally, it should be said that in the heat of the moment, something stupid can easily slip out. Nonetheless, I don't want to fail to discuss a few possible interpretations of the sentence: "You look like you're being paid to be here!" "Prepare for the surprise orgy that is about to come!" "For me, intimacy is a business transaction!" "I've never seen porn before!" "I've seen so much more porn than you think!" With the last interpretation one can still ask what kind of porn he has seen. Young and embarrassed girlfriend? Lanky student sees a penis for the first time and has to cry? Fish-faced slut 5? What I have learned: If you want to compliment your significant other, don't make it too complicated. Often it doesn't even need a full sentence. Just make a sound. That usually goes down better. Now that you know all about my shamefully selective long-term memory and my tendency to overanalyze, I have to admit that I feel a little exposed.
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