Why don't we follow our own advice
Beware of the know-it-alls among the advisors
Last update: 04 July, 2017
Advice is a subjective opinion that one interlocutor conveys to another with the intention of directing his behavior in a certain way. But there are people who spill advice to others without them being prepared for it. We have baptized them here as the “know-it-alls among the advisors” and this type of person can usually be found in every family, in every circle of friends. The know-it-all among the counselors could be defined as another group of toxic people who disguise their advice as good intentions to instill in you what to do with your life or what not to do, always based on their own experience.
“In trying to help someone, we can harm them if we oblige them to accept something they did not ask us to do. Also, if we insist on giving advice to someone they didn't ask for, we are really giving it to ourselves. "
We must remember that when we give advice, we are in a position of authority, wisdom, and even prestige. On the other hand, we usually like to take advice because, regardless of whether it is accurate or not, we usually take it as a sign that there are people who care about us. Since the advice of others is always based on their own experience, the conclusions they share with us are not necessarily applicable to our case.
We fundamentally dislike a piece of advice if we suspect a manipulative strategy behind it, an attempt to direct our behavior. So if you are dealing with a person who interferes in your life without your asking for an opinion, argues know-it-all without knowing what he is talking about and also forces his opinion on you, then you are in front of you one of those know-it-alls among the advisors and it would be better to distance yourself from him.
In order to give well-intentioned advice, it is important to note that this advice is wanted otherwise we run the risk of doing something we were not asked to do. Second, it is important that we are experts in the field so that we can make a recommendation based on sound knowledge and truth. Finally, we can only give adequate advice if we are empathetic with the recipient and try to see the problem from their point of view and not from our own, which is always different from theirs.
The characteristics of a know-it-all among the advisors
As we have already explained, a know-it-all among counselors has a number of traits that will help us easily expose them. Usually these people are older than us, believe that because of their age they have more experience - even if this is not always the case - and that they are wiser than us.
Sometimes family members closest to us, and even our own parents, become know-it-alls when we are older ourselves. Then they can influence us negatively, even if that is not their intention.
The following psychological features characterize these people:
- They give general advice."Time will take care of everything", or, "Believe in yourself and you will make it", they say. This is general advice that we read in youth magazines and later we give it to someone else in the hope that it will help them. But it's obvious that this prepackaged advice is never helpful, because the person to whom we are addressing them already knows them, even uses them, but they are simply not what they need at this moment.
Often we not only help, but also cause the other person to feel guilty through our advice because they “don't believe in themselves” or “don't see the good thing in the matter”.
- They have fears that they cannot handle and that they project onto your experience. The know-it-alls of the counselors are usually people who are plagued by unresolved problems and are afraid of facing the circumstances. This leads to them giving advice to others in order to fix their own lives. But no one can help another person (or himself) if his mind is still full of ghosts. Their advice is often fearful: "Don't do that!", "It's dangerous!", "What if it doesn't end well?" are examples of advice that, instead of motivating the other, transfers one's fear to the other.
- They practice "Ichichmus".A know-it-all among the advisors always gives advice based on me, me and again me. Instead of listening to the person you are speaking to, which is always appropriate, sentences spoken by them are immediately answered in the following way: "So I ...", "This has already happened to me and I ...", etc. We have all done this more or less often and have also seen others doing it. If we were the recipients of such I-messages, that probably led to itthat we didn't feel understood or heard. We must remember that another person's experience, even if it appears to be, has little to do with our own.
Each of us has our own wealth of experience and on the basis of this we solve our problems.
- They give advice that they don't even trust themselves. It is very likely that the advice of a know-it-all among the advisors is not even put into practice by himself because he does not trust it. It can even cause great difficulties. Maybe it's appropriate, but not for that moment when you don't have the strength to do it.
Advice definitely needs Build on realistic goals and adapt to the person stay. General advice such as "If you want to quit smoking you should quit overnight and chew gum for the tension" set unrealistic goals, although there are many other techniques for smoking cessation related to nicotine cessation. Yes, such advice can even harm, put pressure or fear on whoever receives it and have the opposite effect.
- They think that the person they are talking to is not as “survivable” as they are. The know-it-all among the advisors see themselves as “lifesavers” and are of the opinion that the others are not as informed as they are and are inferior to them and would need them for that reason. Behind this attitude, however, hides the fact that they do not mind their own business, prefer to distract themselves with others in order not to have to take responsibility for their own lives.
The truth is, nobody needs our advice. But our fellow human beings often want us to cooperate with themso that they achieve their desires or goals, which are not the same. Before giving advice to someone that we have not been asked for or that we do not have a thorough knowledge of, we should always remember the following:
Anyone who tries to help a butterfly emerge from its cocoon will kill it. Anyone who tries to help a bud to escape its shell will destroy it. You cannot offer help to certain things. They have to come to the surface on their own.
Truth triumphs by itself, lies need help
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