Is love an illusion

Have you fallen in love with a person or an illusion?

Last update: 13 July, 2018

It has happened to all of us at one point or another that after a few years of relationship, various behaviors and habits of our partner began to bother us: putting your feet on the table, irony, an obsession with order, etc. But if we consciously look back, we have got to know this person in exactly the same way. What happened is all of this went unnoticed by us because we fell in love with an illusion.

The phase of being in love can be truly damaging. We have rose-colored glasses and falling in love clouds our minds so that we even believe that we are capable of doing any weirdness for the other. A person who is perfect in our eyes. But what we don't notice is the fact that this is not real. This perfection only exists in our head. Reality is distorted by our feelings, expectations, and illusions. It is not what we see it.

To be in love with an illusion

If we believe that a person has changed over time, we should at the same time ask ourselves whether we have ever seen him as he was from the beginning. Most likely we have to say no. At the beginning of every relationship we create an imagination through which we perceive the incomparable perfection and uniqueness of the other.

But nobody is perfect and we should accept that. We draw this ideal of the other person with the help of our thoughts; it is the result of our absolute infatuation and part of our reality during that time. So we ultimately believe our own lie and simply ignore any behavior that bothers us or displeases us. This is one of the reasons why many people repeat harmful habits in successive relationships.

“It is better to be free. It is better to be alone and go through this immense nothingness instead of holding onto illusions and later waking up in a pile of broken dreams. "

Edwin Vergara

Nick's story

Nick was very confused and didn't know what to do next. He doubted whether to give the relationship another chance or break up for good. Everything had broken up. Suddenly he had the feeling that he no longer liked anything about his partner. Her constant complaints, her quirks, everything bothered him. He wanted to look at the situation from a different perspective to see what was really happening, but he was unable to.

Nick felt this way: In the beginning everything was wonderful.He saw in his partner a beautiful, perfect, responsible and impressive being. But over time, and without his being aware of this development, the image he had of her changed. The woman he fell in love with had very bad days that were unbearable for Nick. She suffered from mood swings and complained about absurd things.

Nick's partner was also uncomfortable with the relationship or was unable to cope with what was happening around her, such as her stress at work. When Nick told his friends about this situation, it seemed to them that he was referring to two completely different people who, in truth, didn't even exist. They just weren't real.

Nick didn't see his partner as she was, he never did. Initially, his ideal of relationship only allowed him to see a perfect person. His feelings made it impossible for him to see any weaknesses in his partner. Even today he did not perceive her as she actually was. His emotions prevented that again. Nick never really knew who he was really dating.

Being in love with an illusion makes it impossible for you to see your partner for who they are.

Learning to see people for who they really are

Learning to see people for who they really are is difficult, but not impossible. We don't normally have as high expectations of a friend as we do of a partner, do we? The same thing happens with siblings when we have them. We perceive these people as they are, with their light and dark sides.

At the beginning of a relationship, we usually only see each other's good sides. But over time we focus more and more on the partner's darker side. This creates confusion and changes the relationship dramatically.

Most importantly, be aware that our perception is skewed and that we idealize our partner while we are in love. Knowing this is happening and keeping it in mind during the phase of falling in love opens the door to another reality,to a reality in which we recognize the human being, including his mistakes, whims and habits.

Even when the honeymoon is over we should always keep in mind that there are parts of the partner that we don't find so great, as well as certain attitudes and behaviors that we love.

We shouldn't get ready because we fell in love with an illusion. Many of our beliefs about romantic love make it happen. But once we become aware of this, there is something we can do to change that.

And you, have you ever fallen in love with an illusion?

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