A person falls out of love

Can't a shy appearance even be an advantage when looking for a partner? After all, distant behavior is also attractive.

A certain degree of restraint is sexy, yes. But not if someone can't get their teeth apart at all.

The social psychologist Philip Zimbardo describes shyness as "prison in the head". Why do shy people torture themselves so?

That sounds harsh now, but shy ones are self-centered. They assume that others think about them all the time, which is usually not true. In a certain way, those affected take themselves more seriously than is the case in reality. My clients don't like to hear this, but at some point they realize that it is their thoughts that determine their behavior.

Do online dating sites simplify the situation by saving shy people the first contact - or is that where the problem lies?

For introverts, this can be helpful as they have more time to find the right words. But you avoid exposing yourself to the thrill of the first encounter - which can be quite nice.

There are internet portals that offer ghostwriting and write humorous chat messages on behalf of their customers that are supposed to lead to their first date. Does this start-up aid or deception make sense or is it rather counterproductive?

Some people find it difficult to promote themselves. Professional writers can help and support with formulations. However: at some point I have to face the other. Then there is a risk that the other side will have fallen in love with the words and be disappointed at the first meeting.

If getting to know each other is so difficult: How does shyness affect relationships?

That depends on what triggers the shyness. Some are only shy in certain situations and thaw in the relationship. Shyness resulting from bad experiences can lead to a persistent fear of not being enough for the partner. However, those affected do not necessarily reveal themselves to be reluctant, as they do not want their fear to be noticed. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to be less talkative in relationships. However, they are not shy, but rather silent observers by nature. Therefore, they also lack the practice of speaking to other people, which can be noticeable in the partnership.

Are shy people in the partnership shy of conflict?

Yes, because they often don't think too much of themselves, they are often more conflict-averse and in need of harmony than people with healthy self-confidence. They give in more often, then suffer silently or take revenge emotionally at the next opportunity - for example, by persuading their partner, if the opportunity arises, to feel guilty for one of his misconduct.

Is the risk of cheating with a shy partner lower - possibly because they are having a hard time finding other partners?

I would like to say something else, but probably the shy one is particularly loyal because he gets few opportunities. However, I have also experienced that when a shy person is wanted by someone new, he completely questions his current relationship and can break it. That's why I advise people in relationships to flirt a little every now and then so as not to completely lose their practice.

Who is the perfect partner for a shy man - a doer or a reserved person?

There are shy people who consciously look for a doer who takes on the often exhausting "socializing" for the shy. Or at least someone who is not quite as reserved as they are. In this way they hope to improve the quality of life with the help of their partner without putting themselves in danger. However, I've also seen couples with two shy partners. They often have a lot to tell each other because they are similar. You feel understood and realize: "Hey, you are like me!" That breaks down the inhibition. However, such constellations don't get to know each other so easily.

What did you learn about love in your work?

That love for happiness is still unpredictable and depends on many individual factors. We can influence some of them, others remain a secret - or magic.