How does introverted thinking show its love

Relationship with an introvert: What strengths silent people bring to the partnership

They don't need wild parties with lots of people, they prefer to read a book instead. They don't talk much and prefer to spend time in peace. They like the soft tones and not too bright light. For a long time, introverts were in the shadow of extroverts. Introverts often doubt whether something is wrong with them because they don't like to be the center of attention and cannot or do not want to answer every question spontaneously. Increasingly, however, introverts are discovering that they are in no way inferior to extroverts. They also have their qualities.

What are the strengths of introverted people? How does introversion affect the partnership? And how can a couple made up of a lively and a calm person cope better with this diversity? Are you an introvert or are in a relationship with an introvert, then you should be very interested in today's topic.

The most important strengths of your introverted partner at a glance:

  • can listen very well and also remembers details
  • thinks analytically and acts carefully
  • Calm and serenity
  • Concentration and creativity
  • ideal for safe and stable relationships
  • impresses with its security and pronounced precautionary measures
  • Incorruptibility in close friendships or in a relationship
  • Perseverance and patience (perseverance)
  • creative in all situations
  • empathy

What exactly is introversion?

Introversion has nothing to do with being shy or overly sensitive. There are highly sensitive personalities who are introverted, but not every introvert is equally highly sensitive. And not every highly sensitive personality is equally introverted.

A crucial trait that makes a person an introvert or an extrovert is the source of their power. Introverts relax in peace and recharge their batteries in solitude. Extroverts, on the other hand, need people around, to recharge and get creative.

What strengths introverts bring into a relationship

Introverts listen well

They are quiet, watch quietly, and listen carefully. What extroverts find difficult is part of the introvert's nature: listening and perceiving details. If you are quiet, listen and observe, you will notice a lot of what is happening in your environment. Introverts learn a lot about observation. But they are also very pleasant conversationalists because of their empathy and the ability to listen well. They make their partner feel like they are paying attention to what is going on.

Introverts first listen, think about what they hear, and only then do they speak. They like to reflect carefully and thoroughly on what others tell them before they speak up for themselves.

In the case of introverted people, listening is less in the sense of "listening well-promotes-a-good-relationship", rather it is that they would rather listen than speak for themselves. This enables them to understand what is really important to the other person. That enriches every relationship.

Analytical thinking and thoughtful action

If you listen carefully, you will find mistakes more quickly and easily uncover contradictions. Introverts quickly grasp complex relationships and act mindfully. Implementing fixed ideas or spontaneous action is less of a thing. They love to ponder for a long time, to weigh things up calmly and to make well-considered and planned decisions. This also makes introverted people reliable partners. You need a lot more time to make a decision, but it is very carefully thought out and can be justified in all directions.

This characteristic of introverted people makes them an excellent advisor. Introverts therefore always seem a bit wise. This is not rocket science: observation, listening, thinking through connections and combining them with one another - all of this is easy for introverted people.

Calm and serenity

Introverts seem ready for almost anything. Sometimes they look like a little Buddha. Introverts draw this power to remain calm and serene primarily from their own being. In return, you need a lot of rest and time to yourself to refill the empty batteries. While extroverts regenerate in the presence of many people, introverts need time to withdraw. They prefer quiet music or total silence, they like to meditate or just relax with a good book. Introverts are quick to feel overwhelmed by stimuli. One of the reasons for this is that they not only quietly observe all the stimuli from their environment, but also absorb them like a sponge. This information then has to be carefully considered. So introverted people are internally permanently in a thought process. However, they need to take a break from thinking - and they can often only find this in retreat.

For a relationship, this means that an introverted partner gets along very well with themselves. You don't have to entertain introverts all the time. While extroverts can get bored quickly without outside stimulation, introverts hardly need to worry about them. In the rest he recharges his strength and energy.

Typical energy sources for introverted people include: reading, writing, painting, observing, experiencing nature, relaxation techniques such as yoga or Qi Gong, going for a walk, daydreaming, and others.

Concentration and creativity

Because they observe so much and worry so much, the brains of introverted people really run at full speed. If they love something, they are highly focused on what they are doing and bring all their creativity to the table. The recorded information is further processed in a sophisticated way. This sometimes makes it difficult for introverts to really switch off and they easily fall into ever faster carousels of thought. Only with time and calm will they find their way out of this brooding. Introverts have incredible storage capacities that enable them to work with focus and creativity.

For a relationship this means: introverts are always good for a surprise (even if they themselves don't like being surprised unpleasantly). Introverts get involved intensively with their partner within a relationship.

Those who fully engage with their partner increase the value that they have for the other. Most people feel empowered, safe and comfortable in the presence of introverted people. This is a quality that particularly benefits a relationship.

Introverts are great for stable relationships

You can't think of anyone better for a partnership than an introverted partner. Introverts like to deepen their relationships. They prefer to be around a few selected people. They appreciate the depth and avoid a lot of superficial contacts.

This makes introverts loyal and safe companions. You are reliable. This promotes mutual trust in a relationship. A steady relationship is the perfect feel-good place for an introverted person. For him, this also includes a piece of “harmony” - arguments and conflicts usually want to be resolved promptly by introverts.

Security and strong precautionary measures

By pondering and weighing up various options, introverts take precautionary measures that are intended to keep themselves and those around them safe. Introverts don't leave anything to chance, even within a relationship. If their own expectations or those of others are not sufficiently met, introverted people tend to feel uncomfortable.

The pronounced need for security does not always make dealing with introverted people easy. It can be difficult at times, especially when trying to build trust with an introverted person. But once introverted people have built trust, they are very loyal and reliable partners.

Introverts put a smile on their partner's lips when they take an umbrella with them when they go for a walk on a sunny day and explain: "It could rain." Even if no rain was announced for that day, introverts love it to be well prepared.

Incorruptibility in close friendships and in partnerships

It is difficult to bribe an introverted person. Faithfulness and loyalty are more important to him than fame and fortune. He doesn't need the outside - in contrast to extroverted people, who get their energy and strength predominantly from their fellow human beings.

Since introverted people feel their power within themselves, they are less susceptible to external stimuli. Those who are not dependent on the opinion of others can make decisions with confidence and without prejudice. This is an absolute strength of introverts: they are incorruptible in close friendships and in a relationship because they always maintain their independence.

Perseverance and patience

Introverts have staying power. Once you've caught fire, stick with it with a lot of patience and perseverance. This makes introverted people very loyal partners who do not gallop away with every little argument, but rather seek an argument in order to clear up the disagreement.

Another strength of introverts in a relationship is their attention to detail. That also makes them more empathetic lovers. Once an introvert has opened up and is ready for love, he will want to get to know and love every pore in you. He will perceive every detail immediately and would like to enjoy it with all of his senses.


With the patience and persistence of an introvert, many long-term projects can be started, such as family planning or a future together for two. As a bonus, there is the creativity of introverted people. Because they are constantly evaluating and processing the flood of information, introverted people are permanently stuck in a kind of problem-solving mindset. That makes them very creative contemporaries.

Introverted people enjoy and enjoy being creative. This does not only apply in the artistic or musical field. Introverts are also creative in love and come up with loving ideas: They write a little love message for the loved one on the mirror or pick a few flowers for the lady of the heart. Such tokens of love are a matter of course for introverted partners.


Introverts have a strong empathy. This makes it easy for them to empathize with those around them and thus with their partner. You can understand why people feel the way they are and why they act the way they act. This understanding makes a relationship with an introvert very pleasant, so that you will often feel understood and accepted.

Sometimes the empathy of an introvert is so finely developed that it is difficult for him to distinguish himself and feels just like his counterpart. This applies to happy situations as well as to sad or disappointing moments. So anyone who wants to feel understood and accepted in a relationship is well advised to go with an introverted partner.

Opposites attract: extroverted and introverted in a partnership

Introverts and extroverts harmonize very well with each other, we have known that since the success story of Apple. When extroverts like Steve Jobs and introverts like Steve Wozniak come together, amazing things can happen. Even if introversion and extroversion are as opposite as fire and water, the differences can be very fruitful. The only prerequisite for this: mutual understanding and tolerance for what is different.

In addition to their professional careers, a happy partnership is an important part of their lives for many people. How do introversion and extroversion relate to one another?

Introverts often hesitate a little until they commit. They don't need their fellow human beings quite as badly as extroverts. This is why introverts tend to live alone as singles for longer periods of time, and they often do not find that uncomfortable. You get along well with being alone.

On the other hand, extroverts are open and open to their fellow human beings. You like to seek contact with others and need it like the air you breathe. While extroverts chat casually, introverts are more reserved. Therefore, extroverted partners have to give the introverted some time so that they can open up and have their say. Otherwise this relationship will become very one-sided and the introverted partner will withdraw further and further in the long run.

Introverts find it easier to be spoken to than to speak to someone themselves. When introverts and extroverts enter into a partnership, it is mostly because the extrovert took the first step. It doesn't always have to stay that way in a relationship that is characterized by trust and has grown over several years, because introverted people just need some time before they trust the other. You can then chat like a waterfall.

These differences can be an asset to a couple. So the extrovert can take on the sociable part in the relationship and the introvert can bring empathy to disputes if necessary. It can also be that both learn from each other: In this way, the introvert can become more sociable within the relationship and the extrovert may learn the benefits of silence and tranquility. That can be wonderful as long as both are responsive and tolerate the partner's otherness.

Unfortunately, the differences between extroversion and introversion can be so great that serious friction can often arise in everyday life. The different needs and behaviors require a lot of tolerance from both.

Especially in stressful situations, we are not always relaxed and tolerant with our fellow human beings. It can be that the extrovert reacts annoyed or frustrated because he has to laboriously motivate the introverted partner to undertake activities and socializing with friends. This persuasive work can be exhausting and quickly make the extroverted partner feel like he is the only one doing something for the relationship.

The introverted partner, on the other hand, can react exhausted and irritable if he participates in social activities for the sake of the extroverted partner. For the introverted partner, this means overstimulation and exertion. The extroverted partner continues to drive, the introverted is always on the receiving end. The bottom line is that both of them are exhausting.

Introversion has nothing to do with disinterest and unwillingness, but is, similar to extroversion, genetically predisposed. This temperament can only be changed to a certain extent - so both must learn to let the other be who he or she is.

It can also be helpful to agree on a common signal. For example, the introvert might say when he needs a moment to think so that the extrovert doesn't mistake this pause as disinterest. On the other hand, an extrovert might ask, “You're so quiet right now. Do you need some time? "

Diversity can be a source of mutual, both enriching inspiration. When we learn to appreciate this otherness, a lot of stress disappears from the relationship. A relationship remains lively and beautiful when both accept and respect each other and remain in constant contact.

Equal and alike like to join: when both are introverted

Couples therapists sometimes claim that character similarities often speak for a harmonious, happy, and lasting relationship.

Introvert + introvert = great relationship? But it's not that simple either.

Yes, introverted relationships have their advantages. The most important is that they understand and respect each other's need for peace and quiet. They feel less rejected when their introverted partner needs time to himself. The leisure activities and social activities are also adapted to both beings: no wild parties, fewer dinners with many friends, but one-on-one conversations and no small talk. Introverts enjoy the depth of conversation within their relationship. Both consider this to be of high quality. So appreciating each other's introversion is no challenge for two introverts.

But: Introverted couples tend to shut themselves up too much and to isolate themselves from all outside influences and to establish a "we-both-against-the-rest-of-the-world" attitude. They enjoy the closeness and intimacy with their partner so much that they hardly notice any other social activities. This can stifle a relationship in the long run because valuable external impulses cannot flow into the relationship. This can lead to boredom. Both the relationship and us humans need a healthy amount of development and growth. This can happen to a certain extent within the relationship, but we also need additional exchanges with other people.

“A ship that is in port is safe. But that's not what ships are built for. ”William G.T. Shedd

Anyone who is permanently stuck together and hardly does anything on their own can quickly become uninteresting for the other. A lively relationship also requires a healthy distance. That keeps the crackling and the eroticism.

Disinterest creeps in imperceptibly, and what was initially beautiful can increasingly become a real problem.

Introverted couples have to learn that in addition to togetherness and intimacy, outside influences can also come into the relationship. A healthy relationship and harmonious love needs many aspects: closeness, intimacy, familiarity and togetherness as well as openness and inspiration from outside.

Are you in a relationship with an introverted partner? If you want to improve your relationship and make an appointment, please contact me. I am pleased to meet you.

Sincerely, your Ulrike Fuchs
Couple counselor and alternative practitioner for psychotherapy

Make an appointment now!

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Important NOTE:
The texts on were created with care and serve informal purposes. The content is in no way intended to induce you to discontinue medical treatment, to make a self-diagnosis, to carry out treatment yourself or to avoid a doctor's visit. On the contrary: The information given here is in no way a substitute for professional medical advice, support and treatment.

Photo: Christian Kasper photographer Munich
Editing: Corinna Luerweg Hamburg
Graphics: Ulrike Fuchs Munich